Cupping and Other Performance Enhancing Utensils

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cokeDiet cupping Photo: thepeoplescube.com

 

It's not possible to determine at which point the Olympics morphed from a competition between athletes to one between pharmacologists. But, a look at the list of banned substances, the number of illegal drugs and medical procedures—well over 100— will make your eyes bug out of your head. Some of them make sense. For example, alcohol is banned for archers, as it should be. archery

And, it is intuitively obvious that discus throwers should not be doing meth. saturn

But now, the International Olympic Committee has a new problem to deal with—cupping. Since cupping has been scientifically proven to help athletes recover from injuries (1), it needs to placed in the same category as anti-inflammatory steroids, which are banned because they do the same thing. And, since cupping works so well, this opens up a whole new universe of practices that also need to be examined, especially since there are unquestionably more effective utensils than cups in a typical kitchen. This will give the IOC plenty to talk about during their next annual meeting.

: ioc

They had better get to work, because if cupping is now common practice, it is all but certain that we will be seeing other Performance Enhancing Utensils before long. If Michael Phelps is using stupid cups, he can surely do better. Why not a pie plate? Or a carrot scraper? Think of the aquadynamic advantages!carrot

And, what decent kitchen doesn't have an electric utensil or two? The advantages are self-evident. But, you better keep an eye out for those Russian Olympians. They are known to have "relaxed ethical standards" when it comes to

 

these things.

buttocks

As long as you believe in cupping, the least you can do is to turn it into an opportunity for a commercial endorsement. Although, it may be too late. I think this guy beat you to it. coke

So, a little advice to cuppers: just because your technology is thousands of years old doesn't mean that it is timeless. As sure as the sun rotates the Earth, something better will come along. Put that in your cup.

Note: (1) Oops. Typo. Should read "to do nothing at all."