4 Possible Benefits of the COVID Pandemic

Unless your head is firmly implanted in your rectum, there can be little doubt about how COVID has devastated the world (if it is implanted up there, please let us know how the view is).

It may be of little comfort, but if you think about it, some positive developments have arisen from the pandemic. Here is an arbitrary and capricious list of 4 of them. Enjoy.

1. Good news for germaphobes!

Think about it. How many colds did you get this winter? How about norovirus ("stomach flu") cases? Or real flu (influenza). The first two can be answered, but only anecdotally. I don't know a single person who got a cold or the dreaded stomach bug. I have a "norovirus" Google news alert that was strangely quiet all winter. And the flu season "never happened" (1). 

Source: CDC and Vox

Of course, this is small comfort for people who have ended up on a ventilator or died from COVID, but in what was otherwise a dreadful winter, any good news is welcome.

2. Blowing out candles on birthday cakes. Is this vile ritual over?

I don't know who came up with this repulsive practice, but I suspect it will mercifully end. Just like the Ford Pinto, it was a terrible idea that lasted too long, but I suspect that the transmission (get the pun?) has fallen out of this one. Think about it. Is it really wise to spew saliva, mucus, and assorted other forms of slobber onto a cake while making a wish? Especially when the birthday celebrant is 85 with the lung capacity of a titmouse and has to exhale 15 times to put one candle out. 

Let's say good riddance to candle blowing. 1. Perfectly nice cake. 2. Slob blows out candles spewing various life forms onto cake. 3. Cake is no longer so appealing. Image Credits: Pixabay, Pixabay, Pixabay, Large Medical Encyclopedia.

3. Joe "Crazy Joe" Mercola gets swatted by the FDA.

Even though it's too little too late, the FDA sent a warning letter to Joe Mercola, one of the world's most impressive purveyors of medical misinformation. Mercola, an ardent anti-vaxxer, has become quite wealthy (2) selling useless stuff on his website for years, but when he joined the COVID Magical Mystical Tour, the FDA finally had to jump in. The agency determined that Mercola was selling the following "COVID remedies" online:

• “Liposomal Vitamin C,”
• “Liposomal Vitamin D3"
• “Quercetin and Pterostilbene Advanced”

Of course, none of these products is going to do a damn thing to treat COVID, something that Mercola not-so-subtly suggested in articles titled “Nutrition and Natural Strategies Offer Hope Against COVID-19” and “Quercetin and Vitamin C: Synergistic Therapy for COVID-19”

I suppose it's good news is that Crazy Joe will no longer be able to sell you "quackery in a bottle" for COVID. He'll just have to be content with selling the same useless crap for other maladies.

4. No more sips!

Does it make you crazy when people ask you, "can I have a sip?" of whatever you're drinking. This is especially common while playing sports when some dope forgot to bring Gatorade on a blazing hot day on the softball field or basketball court. While I have always answered "no, you can't" and been subjected to puzzling looks, I suspect people won't be asking for "sips" during COVID times. If they still do and you're looking for a stronger retort, feel free to try any of these:

• Would you also like to stick your tongue down my throat?
• I just puked in your Yankees cap. That's OK, right? (3)
• Sure, but later I'd also like you to share a wad of toilet paper. After I'm done.

No, you can't have a damn sip!

Image credit: Meme generator

NOTES:

(1) The reduction in flu cases is probably to some or all of less testing, people staying isolated, masks, reluctance to see a doctor, or reluctance of a doctor to see you.

(2) The Washington Post estimated Mercola's net worth to be more than $100 million in 2017. That's a whole lot of herbs. 

(3) If this season continues to follow what I've seen in the first 9 games, I suspect Yankee fans will be puking in their own caps.