'American Pie' Remix — Featuring RFK Jr.’s Sewer Swim

Sung to the tune of American Pie

(If you don't remember the song or just want a special treat, here's a video of the original song with the lyrics. It's one of the greats. Enjoy.)

First Verse (slow)

A long, long time ago
I can still remember
When the Rock Creek water wasn’t vile.

And I knew that if I had my chance
I’d take off my shirt and pants
And maybe I’d go swimming for a while.

But the stench, it made me shiver
Sewage flowing in the river
Turds were at the doorstep
I couldn’t take much more strep.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I saw him take that sewage ride
But something twisted deep inside
The day... the mucous dried.

Chorus

So, bye-bye, Homeopathy guy
Drove my Tesla to Odessa, but the battery died.
Them good ol’ nuts were seeing drones in the sky
Singing, this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Second Verse (faster)

Did you sip the raw milk too
And chase it down with bear bone stew?
Because your helmet told you so

Oh, do you believe in vitamin A
Does it make measles go away?
Can you teach me how to block 5G?

Well, I know that you have faith in dirt,
And snorting roots to treat a hurt.
But raw milk and a prayer
Won’t fix what’s growing there.

Oh, I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a nervous system run amok
And I knew that we were out of luck
The day the mucous dried

And they were singing…
Bye-bye, Homeopathy guy
Drove my Tesla to Odessa, but the battery died.
Them good ol’ nuts were seeing drones in the sky
Singing, this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Last Verse (slow)
 

I met a guy with 10 loose screws
And asked him for some healthy clues
But he just frowned and said, “No way.”

And I went down to my favorite store
Where I got prescriptions years before
But the man said that the drugs had gone away.

And in the streets, the weirdos screamed
The doctors wept; the lawyers dreamed.
But not a word was spoken
The FDA was broken

And in the end, we all were toast
The chiropractors gained the most
And medicine gave up the ghost...
The day… the mucous dried.

End (slow)

So, bye-bye, Homeopathy guy
Drove my Tesla to Odessa, but the battery died.
Them good ol’ nuts were seeing drones in the sky
Singing, this’ll be the day that I die