RFK Jr’s Brain-Eating Worm Must’ve Had Quite an Appetite

It's no accident that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is sometimes derisively nicknamed RFK but with a different meaning: R = Really and K = Krazy. You figure out the rest. Whether the nickname is deserved or not – I'll leave that to you. Sane or not, it would be difficult to find a public figure who is so consistently wrong about science and medicine.

Perhaps it's not his fault. Surely you've seen the recent story where RFK Jr. revealed that he is a victim of a brain-eating worm. All I can say is that if it's true then that worm had one helluva appetite. Let's look at some of his finest deranged moments, limited to scientific and medical topics.

Image: Deviant Art

1. Vaccines 

Only the most dedicated conspiracy cultists still believe that vaccines cause autism. This myth, which has been thoroughly and repeatedly debunked, came from a scandalous study that was published in the Lancet in 1998. You can read all about it here. It cannot be the least bit surprising that disgraced quack Andrew Wakefield and Kennedy are buds. That's a party you may wish to avoid when mutated bird flu hits the human population.

"Well, I do believe that autism does come from vaccines"

Interview with Fox News’ Jesse Watters in July.

And this...

"They get the shot, that night they have a fever of a hundred and three, they go to sleep, and three months later their brain is gone... This is a holocaust, what this is doing to our country." (Fox News Interview)

Irony anyone? Kennedy says their brain is gone. Pot/kettle moment if ever there was one.

2. COVID

Not just a bioweapon, but a racist bioweapon.

"COVID-19 is targeted to attack Caucasians and Black people. The people who are most immune are Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese...We don't know whether it was deliberately targeted or not but there are papers out there that show the racial or ethnic differential and impact." 

CBS News

This statement lacks critical information. Kennedy does not specify whether the virus was engineered to target other ethnic groups, so there is no way to know whether the Venezuelan Achagua, Angu of Papua New Guinea, Brazillian Apanyekra, and Azerbaijan Jeks should be stocking up on Paxlovid. 

And since only a particular subset of Jews is immune, I can't help but wonder how atheists will fare. That is unless the COVID inventors themselves were atheists, in which case we're gonna be immune. Of all the nutty things Kennedy says this might be the nuttiest. Except, it's not. Keep going.

3. School Shootings

Kennedy blames school shootings on antidepressants. 

Kids always had access to guns, and there was no time in American history or human history where kids were going to schools and shooting their classmates.. It really started happening conterminous with the introduction of these drugs, with Prozac and the other drugs.”

Interview with Bill Maher on a recent episode of the podcast, “Club Random With Bill Maher."

Kennedy cannot tell the difference between correlation and causation. But he probably knows how to spell them. With help from a dictionary.

And here he is on X blaming pharmaceutical companies for school shootings.

It was initially rumored that Kennedy thought the actual culprit was Good and Plenty (only the pink ones) but the mothership beamed down a correction to the receivers in his zirconium rugby helmet and the matter was settled. An aside: Noted scholar Marjorie Taylor Greene, whatever ship she is on, mostly agrees with him but is currently blaming Pez. It is unclear how this matter will be resolved.

4. The 5G conspiracy

Only the certifiably deranged believe that cell phone coverage is a plot by the government to control our minds. Yet, Kennedy's 2023 ravings on this matter at a Washington D.C. rally (1) put him firmly in the Nutlog Nebula. 

"They’re putting in 5G to harvest our data and control our behavior. Digital currency that will allow them to punish us from a distance and cut off our food supply.” (2)

Even I am speechless here. What the #### does this even mean? Of course, the phone companies are punishing us! Next time you spend 45 minutes to get a live person (who speaks maybe three words of English) only to have them put you on hold and then disappear. That's the punishment.

Even as a skeptic, I do sometimes worry that my data are indeed being harvested. How else can I explain yesterday's call from Verizon informing me that my 1:57 PM bowel movement the day before had a suboptimal consistency and that I really needed to sign up for their new Bowel Movement Form Utility Program (BM4U) for 9.99/month (but only with a two year or 500 plop contract)? Who knew that 5G could retrieve data from my anus?

How crazy is this? it's not all that different from a similarly deranged dialog, often heard on any street corner or subway car in NYC, should you dare go there (3). Typically it's a profoundly disturbed individual arguing with himself.

This guy intends to vote for Kennedy by absentee ballot because won't be present in his home district (Venus) on election day. Photo credit: Nathan Rupert, Flickr

5. Chemtrails 

Here's a quiz: What are the long white lines that come from jet engines?

a) Mostly water vapor

b) Chemtrails:  Chemicals put into the jet to both poison and control the minds of the American people. Here's a quote from Kennedy, with credit to fellow chucklehead Woody Harrelson:

One of the reasons that … my mind is open [about chemtrails] is because Woody Harrelson one time was at my house, and he was talking about this (this is probably ten years ago), and I was saying, come on, that’s just that’s ridiculous. That’s impossible. And he said, come outside with me. And we went outside, and we sat on a hillside. And we watched these planes fly in a grid pattern, laying out this, you know, grid of contrails. And then it turned into clouds, and we had a cloudy day

RFK, 2023

They sure did.

The answer is (a) and a few things should be noted.

• Woody Harrelson is dumber than a dyslectic fruit bat.
• I'd be astounded if he could name all 42 states.
• A chemical equation for the combustion of jet fuel (mostly kerosene): 2 C₁₂H₂₆ + 37 O₂  → 24 CO₂ (gas) + 26 H₂O (gas) <------ Note that water vapor and carbon dioxide are the combustion products. This is why we see white lines, idiots.

Time to wrap this up. It's lunchtime and worms are on the menu. Very high in protein.

NOTES:

(1) This rally was held before Kennedy announced his presidential ambitions.

(2) You can read my colleague Alex Berezow's 2020 obliteration of the 5G insanity here.

(3) This may happen before, during, or after one has been punched, stabbed, or pushed in front of a subway train, an event so common that New York news stations keep a time slot open for the inevitable daily assault(s). New York sucked the '60s and '70s when I lived there. It may be even worse now.